No hiding from grief

My hubby passed away on September 24th 2014 and in a couple days that will have been one year ago. The sadness, pain, shortness of breath, numbness and exhaustion I feel today can’t be avoided. Believe me, if I could avoid it, I would. I can’t. So, like a swimmer in the cresting waves of the ocean, I am taking a deep breath in order to have some air as I’m pounded in the heavy surf of grief. I am gazing intently at these photos of when we were well, when we were happy, so as to see them in my minds eye as the world goes dark with oppressive sadnesses. I say sadnesses because the day after my husband died, on the 25th, my 12 year old best friend of a magnificent collie dog, Windsor, died. I felt at the time and I still feel like the universe heaped burning coals on my searing hot pain. 

  So I breathe in these photos in order to prepare for the inevitable tsunami of sorrow that is coming. It’s already brewing, I feel it- in ever building nausea, tightening of my chest, inability to breathe and uncontrollable tears.

This is what I’m  using to get me through. This and prayer.   

 There is no hiding from grief.